BREAKING NEWS: Mayor Bloomberg is Selling New York City to Japan!

My friend just told me. He said he heard about it on FOX News. This is what his text said:

Dude, just heard about Bloomberg on FOX. NYC is getting sold to Japan, you gotta get out of here dude.

Yep. Just a little piece of news that CNN chose NOT to cover in favor of covering Unicorns! (See below).

Really this day has been momentous to me. Three friends are getting married, four just broke up with their significant others (one of them recently engaged... YIKES!), five lost their jobs, fourteen are moving to LA, and one went back into the closet. And yet, CNN, I find that your lack of coverage of major news stories is the most eventful thing.

Year of the Blog to CNN: I make fun of you a lot, but I always respected you. Not anymore.

Obama has fixed the economy and discovered unicorns.

Obviously fake! But where did I hear this piece of info? CNN. Yep. What is obviously an April Fools joke CNN covers.



Jesus... CNN. Don't you finish watching the videos that you cover?!

This is according to the CNN Political Blog:

In a new Web video, the GOP organization tasked with regaining control of the Senate this November, cheers Obama for solving global warming "by replacing cars with low-emission unicorns” and achieving an unemployment rate of "negative 39 percent," among other “accomplishments.”

Alright, CNN. Let's be real here. Unicorns aren't real. You guys are living in a freaking fantasy land and are unashamedly reporting on an OBVIOUS April Fools joke.

Meanwhile, Google is changing it's name to Topeka, young singer Justin Bieber is buying FunnyorDie.com and you don't blink an eye!

This just in! CNN thinks Unicorns are real!

Idiots.

Google is changing it's name to Topeka

I know, I couldn't believe it when I heard about it to, but seriously visit the site. Look at the new logo:



This is one of the largest companies on the internet! They're changing their name and CNN doesn't even cover it?! C'mon.

And it gets worse! According to Google:

Early last month the mayor of Topeka, Kansas stunned the world by announcing that his city was changing its name to Google. We’ve been wondering ever since how best to honor that moving gesture. Today we are pleased to announce that as of 1AM (Central Daylight Time) April 1st, Google has officially changed our name to Topeka.

Topeka, Kansas changing it's name early last month?! How come I didn't hear about this! They also mention that Alfred E. Neuman came from Topeka, which I was unaware of... I only know this famous politician from his portrayal at MAD magazine, never seen him in person. You'd think that CNN might touch on this story, right?! You think?!

Jesus CNN. Get some qualified reporters in your house... cause right now you're falling behind a lot of competitors... like a lot.

CNN, jesus!

Okay, so I get into work today and start poking around trying to find any thing CNN did stupid and reading about healthcare and all that jazz, and suddenly I find out that like everything is happening today, and CNN isn't covering it! HELLO?! Aren't you America's Finest News Source?! WHERE IS YOUR COVERAGE OF TODAY, GUYS!

There are a lot of stories out there... like ground breaking stories, and CNN is just missing all of these left and right! Usually I'm impressed by CNN's ability to give up to the minute reporting, albeit with crappy headlines, but today they're just missing everything.

Seriously, how can you cover "SeaWorld penguins drop in, on CNN set" and NOT cover Google changing it's name to Topeka. Just inexcusable, guys... inexcusable.